


Shlav Week

by AutisticWriter



Series: Tumblr Prompt Fills [45]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Deaf Lance (Voltron), Disabled Character, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Ficlet Collection, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Hugs, Intrusive Thoughts, Nightmares, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prompt Fill, Sharing a Bed, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Shlav Week 2017, Slav (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Slav (Voltron) has OCD, Space Dad Shiro (Voltron), Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2018-12-30 19:48:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12115959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutisticWriter/pseuds/AutisticWriter
Summary: A collection of ficlets written for Shlav Week on Tumblr.Day 1:anger oranxietyDay 2: touchor distanceDay 3: realitiesor possibilitiesDay 4:floating orfallingDay 5: brainsor brawnDay 6:first times orroutinesDay 7: free day





	1. Anxiety

Anxiety is a near constant feeling for Shiro. In fact, it is actually quite bizarre to realise that he isn’t feeling anxious. Being anxious is just normal for him.

To be fair, Slav is the same. The pair of them are constantly on edge, dealing with rapid heartbeats to the point it’s hard to breathe, jumping easily and having trouble sleeping. And that isn’t even including the flashbacks.

It wasn’t at the same time, or even by the same people, but their experiences being held captive by the Galra are disturbingly familiar. They were both held prisoner, they were both kept in isolation until they had complete breakdowns, and they were both… tortured.

And it is because of their time as prisoners of the Galra that they both now have PTSD, the cause of most of their anxiety. The memories of their torture won’t leave them alone, constantly attacking them at random moments or when they see something related to the Galra or when they are asleep. There has been many a time when Shiro finds himself overwhelmed by terrifying memories, and has to rush away before his fellow Paladins see him break down.

On top of his PTSD, Slav is also dealing with intrusive thoughts. Slav always had OCD, but his time as a prisoner made it a lot worse. Which now means that his intrusive thoughts are almost constant and he has to do time consuming and pointless compulsions to keep them at bay. His compulsions irritate them both (especially when Shiro is sleep deprived or stressed), but he has to do them. If he doesn’t do his compulsions, Slav will inevitably break down and have a massive panic attack, the anxiety too much for him to bear.

So, yes, both Shiro and Slav certainly know how anxiety feels. But they also know the relief of being anxiety free, such as the rare mornings when they wake from sleep free of nightmares, well rested and surprisingly relaxed. And in the few minutes before the anxiety starts up for the day (such as Slav’s brain insisting he does his morning compulsions), they cuddle together in bed, wondering if this is what it feels like to have brains that aren’t always conspiring against you.


	2. Touch

Shiro has a strange relationship with physical contact. He was quite a huggy person as a kid, but his experiences with the Galra have left him struggling with contact. More specifically, with people touching him. What with being jumpy and easily startled, someone putting their hand on his shoulder or patting his back can make Shiro panic if he isn’t expecting it. Because people putting their hands on him brings back horrible memories of prison cells and torture and everything else that came with being held captive.

But he doesn’t seem to have this problem with Slav. Maybe it’s because Slav knows never to approach him from behind (because Slav is just the same, panicking big time when someone comes up behind him and taps his back), or maybe it’s something else, but Slav touching him rarely makes him feel uncomfortable. And if it does, Slav is quick to apologise, eventually leading to him saying sorry too many times and Shiro having to tell him to shut up (but in kinder terms).

He just understands Shiro’s triggers (and Shiro understands his), something the Paladins and Allura and Coran try their hardest to do but never quite manage it. He thinks you need to live with PTSD yourself to really understand how triggers work – and, given how he and Slav developed PTSD (and how the illness works in general), he hopes his friends never have to go through what they do.

\---

Every night (well, nearly every night; there are always nights where they both feel too anxious to even attempt going to sleep), after they have both got ready for bed and Slav has finished his laborious night time routines , Shiro and Slav always cuddle together in bed.

Tucked up under their thick, heavy blanket (they sleep under a weighted blanket; the pressure of the blanket is really soothing and helps them sleep), Shiro sits up in bed, holding a book. Slav is wrapped right around him, leaning their heads together. And they both read the same book, feeling so safe and secure and warm in the embrace.

And they often fall asleep like that, sitting up in bed all tangled up together, drifting off to sleep. And it may not keep the nightmares away (nothing does), but at least they have each other for support when they wake up.


	3. Realities

Slav spends a massive amount of time talking about alternate realities. Some people find it annoying (including Shiro, if he’s in a bad mood), but Shiro knows that he doesn’t mean to annoy people. Talking about probabilities is very calming for him, although Shiro still isn’t quite sure why Slav is so obsessed with the probability of things happening in other realities. Something tells him that Slav isn’t sure either.

One day, Slav is sat beside Lance on the Bridge when Shiro sees him staring at Lance’s ear. More specifically, he is staring at the blue hearing aid attached to his ear.

“What’re you looking at?” Lance says.

“I was just thinking that this must be the reality in which you wear hearing aids,” Slav says.

Lance looks totally baffled. Hunk laughs.

“What is it with you and alternate realities?” Pidge asks, the light of her laptop screen reflecting off of her glasses.

“The thought of multiple simultaneous realities in which everything happens differently completely fascinates me,” Slav says, moving his hands as he speaks.

It takes Shiro a few seconds to realise that Slav is using a form of sign language. Lance grins, clearly delighted.

“You know ASL?” he says, signing as he talks.

Slav nods. “I’m fluent in hundreds of languages, including several forms of sign language.”

“That’s so cool,” Pidge says, smiling. “Can you teach us how to swear in loads of different languages?”

“That’s not really the point of learning languages, Number Five,” Coran says, clearly attempting to sound annoyed.

“Quiznak,” Hunk says under his breath.

“And forgive me for saying this, but it’s a bit of a double standard for the man who says the Altean equivalent of the F-word every other word to tell us not to swear,” Keith says, a wonderfully sarcastic smile crossing his face.

Coran raises his eyebrows, and Allura muffles laughter into her hand.

“So, anyway,” Lance says, grinning. “Don’t I wear hearing aids in other realities?”

“In a few, you do,” Slav says. “In others you sign to communicate, or you have cochlear implants.”

“What about me?” Hunk asks.

“What about my family?” Pidge says.

“Or Altea?” Allura says.

As Slav talks about alternate realities with the rest of his team, Shiro can’t help but smile. It’s so nice to see Slav fitting in with his team, the people he has come to consider his family.

It’s like they’re all starting to become one big family.


	4. Falling

“What are your dreams like?”

When Hunk asks the question on the other side of the Bridge, Shiro’s ears prick up. Not literally, of course (human ears aren’t nearly as expressive as Altean ones; he never ceases to be amused when someone says something and Coran and Allura’s ears actually twitch at the sound), but it brings him back to attention. Before Hunk spoke, he was staring at his monitor rather than actually reading what it said, and hearing the Paladin speak brought him back to reality.

Hunk has turned around in his seat, looking at Keith and Pidge, who are looking at the same screen. Lance wanders over, clearly wanting to be able to clearly hear what is being said.

“What’s the reason for asking?” Keith asks, confused.

Hunk shrugs. “Just interested. My dreams are weird, and I was wondering if you have normal dreams or weird ones like me.”

“I can never really remember mine,” Keith says.

“Me too,” Lance says. “I only remember, like, snapshots of dreams. Though they seem cool.”

Pidge frowns, obviously thinking hard. “Mine are a bit confusing. And I always seem to be searching for something.”

Shiro sees a brief look of sadness cross her face. Although Pidge says no more, it is obvious to Shiro that the something in Pidge’s dreams is the same something she is constantly trying to find in real life.

“Human dreams may work differently to Altean ones, but aren’t dreams supposed to be a bit abstract?” Allura says.

“Yeah, I think so,” Keith says. “They’re normally pretty unrealistic and strange.”

“Yeah, I mean, I can’t hear anything in my dreams,” Lance says. “And I’ve got, like, thirty percent hearing, so I can hear something without my hearing aids in, even if it’s really faint. But my dreams are totally silent. Never heard a thing in any of them. It’s weird.”

Hunk smiles. “Yeah, that is weird.”

“What about you, Allura?” Pidge says.

“I… I dream a lot about Altea,” Allura says, and Shiro recognises the look of homesickness on her face. “And my father…”

“So what’re the weird dreams you have like, then?” Lance asks Hunk, and Hunk grins.

“They just don’t make any sense. I mean, the one I had last night was about everything being made of food.”

“Everything?” Pidge says.

“Yeah, everything. It was weird.”

Hunk lets out a spluttering laugh, and soon they are all laughing too.

But Shiro doesn’t laugh, suddenly rather anxious. Because they are probably going to ask him next, and he really doesn’t want to talk about dreams. Shiro turns back to his work, trying to pretend he is deeply focused in whatever he’s supposed to be doing. His heart starts drumming in his chest, a sensation he hates with a passion but is (unfortunately) very familiar with.

Shiro looks across the Bridge to where Slav and Coran are trying to do some kind of upgrade to the Castle’s defences. If Slav was paying attention to the conversation, he would understand Shiro’s anxiety (at least, he hopes he would). Because Slav also knows the hell of almost constant nightmares.

\---

“Did you hear the others talking about dreams?” Slav asks that evening as they get ready for bed.

Shiro pulls his pyjama top over his head, and watches Slav perform one of the compulsions that he always does before bed: carefully folding and them smoothing down their weighted blanket (“If I don’t do it correctly, there is a sixty six percent chance that the Red Lion will break down,” Slav babbled one evening, nearly breaking down from anxiety as he smoothed the blanket down over and over again).

Slightly baffled at the question, Shiro frowns. “I didn’t know you were listening.”

“I wasn’t listening, as such, but I did hear snapshots of their conversation every so often,” Slav says. “From your response, I assume you heard as well?”

Shiro sighs. “Yeah, I did. And… well, it made me anxious, because I didn’t want them to ask me about my dreams. I… don’t like talking about them with anyone other than you.”

Slav pats his hand. “I understand. And by dreams, you mean nightmares, don’t you?”

“Yeah, course I do,” he says. “It’s always nightmares.”

Slav sighs. “It’s always nightmares.”

\---

_He wrestles free of their grip, sprinting down the corridor. His legs wobble and the ground seems unstable, but he keeps running. He has to escape. He has to get out of here. He can’t be their prisoner any longer._

_He ducks gunshots and disarms guards, still not used to his arm. He trips and slams into a wall, but there’s no pain. There’s discomfort, but no pain._

_Panic flows through him. Sounds echo, the world seeming foggy. His vision blurs, everything too bright. His heart palpitates, drumming so fast he can hear it in his ears._

_Time skips and Shiro runs into an airlock, not knowing how he got here. He doesn’t know what he is doing (or if he can even remember how the controls on a Galran ship even work), but Shiro fumbles with buttons and the airlock opens._

_This is such a bad idea, but he has to escape. So, not even questioning why he isn’t being sucked out into space by the pressure, Shiro takes a deep breath and steps out of the ship._

_And despite space being a vacuum and him not wearing a space suit, Shiro doesn’t die. He doesn’t float either. Instead, he starts falling._

_Everything turns into a spiral as he falls, and he doesn’t know where he’s going or if he’s ever going to land. He just tumbles and tumbles and tumbles, nauseous and dizzy and spinning out of control. His stomach flips and he screws his eyes up and he’s—_

Shiro jolts awake, finding himself halfway down the bed. He lies very still, staring into the darkness as he heart pounds and sweat dampens his forehead. Feeling horribly sick, Shiro tries to ground himself, reminding himself that he is in his bed with Slav in his room in the Castle. His breathes catch in his throat, anxiety tightening his chest until it hurts to breathe in.

“Shiro?” Slav whispers, and the light switches on.

Shiro has to shield his eyes with his arm, dazzled by the sudden brightness. Once his eyes have adjusted, he finds himself looking at Slav. His partner is sat up in bed, staring at him with an inquisitive yet anxious look on his face.

“Was it a nightmare?” Slav says, and Shiro shuffles awkwardly into a sitting position.

Even thinking about the nightmare makes Shiro’s chest feel tighter and tears prickle in his eyes.

“Falling,” he mumbles, screwing his eyes up to stop the tears spilling over.

That’s all Slav needs to know. Shiro explained it properly to him ages ago. His nightmares always end like this, with him falling into infinity in a rush of confusion and panic. He has no idea why it happens, but it scares him nevertheless.

“I understand,” Slav says. “Would you like a hug?”

Ever pleased that Slav understands how weird Shiro is about being touched, he nods his head. Slav shuffles closer and wraps himself around Shiro, and Shiro leans his head against Slav’s.

“Thank you,” Shiro says, his heart starting to slow down.

“No problem.”

They fall asleep like that, sat up in bed with the lights on, wrapped around each other. And Shiro sleeps peacefully – until he starts falling again.


	5. Brains

The Paladins love to bicker. They know that it isn’t serious, but they really like to bicker with each other, squabbling over the silliest things. Such as one afternoon, when Shiro walks into the room to find Lance, Hunk and Pidge bickering about who is the most intelligent.

And he’s about to join in when Slav wanders over, wringing his hands.

“I think you’ll find that _I_ am actually the most intelligent,” he says. “So that solves your argument.”

He looks at Shiro and they both start laughing. The Paladins look a bit confused, but then burst out laughing too.


	6. Routines

Slav spends a lot of his time doing compulsions. He knows that they aren’t really necessary, but he can’t stop himself performing them. Because he can’t cope with the panic and intrusive thoughts that will happen if he doesn’t do them.

When you have OCD, people always tell you that it’s all in your head, that it isn’t real. And this sort of criticism (thinly disguised as advice) infuriates Slav, because don’t they realise that he already knows that? All logic shows that his intrusive thoughts are lies, that there is no basis to his fears, but that doesn’t make them seem any less real. That doesn’t stop the fear.

So even though he knows he could technically stop doing his compulsions, Slav can’t do it. Maybe at some point he will be able to, but his mental health is just too unstable right now. If someone snatching his blanket off of him when he tries to fold it just right causes major panic, he dreads to think what would happen if he was forced to stop every compulsion.

Thankfully, Shiro understands all of this. With their PTSD, they both have their share of coping mechanisms, so Shiro can sympathise with his fear and need for control. So Shiro never tries to stop him as Slav goes through his routines, checking locks and counting things and folding blankets and making sure to say goodbye to everyone when they leave the Castle, just in case this is the last time they see each other. In fact, Shiro often helps him, reassuring Slav the way they both do when one of them has a flashback or wakes from a nightmare, helping him through his compulsive routines so he doesn’t feel quite as scared.

And Slav is never more grateful to be in a relationship with such a wonderful, caring person.


	7. Free Day

“You and Slav seem very happy together,” Coran says as Shiro helps him clean the cryopods.

Shiro looks up and is met by the smile on Coran’s face. He feels his face flush, not used to talking about things like this, especially with Coran.

“That’s because we are,” he says, looking down again.

“That’s good,” Coran says, clearly sensing the awkwardness but carrying on anyway. “You know, Shiro, you two seemed an unlikely pair at first—”

 _You don’t say_ , Shiro thinks, remembering the disaster that was his and Slav’s first meeting.

“—But you work well together.”

Coran goes to put his hand on Shiro’s shoulder, but stops himself. Shiro smiles gratefully, pleased that he remembers the discussion Shiro had with everyone about not liking being touched.

“You seem a lot happier these days,” Coran says.

“In what way?” Shiro asks. What with his constantly fluctuating mental health, he isn’t the best person to judge his mental state.

“You just seem... brighter. You are less of a pessimist. You smile more.”

As Coran speaks, Shiro looks at him again. He is still smiling, and Shiro finds his mouth twitching into a smile.

“I think your relationship may be helping you both in ways none of us really understand,” Coran continues, putting down his tools; neither of them are cleaning any more. “After all, we try our best to help you with your PTSD, but we don’t really understand. I mean, I’ve read about the effects of trauma such as what you went through, but I don’t really know what it feels like. There is only so much I can do to help. But Slav… he has been through the same sort of horrible things as you, and your symptoms are remarkably similar. So… you know how your minds work. You know how to help. You understand each other. And that is helping you.”

Shiro stares at him, Coran’s words making so much sense. Of course he and Slav can help each other – they (unfortunately) know what is going on in each other’s heads when no one else does, because they go through the same symptoms! And being able to talk and understand each other the way they do is so good for them, because bottling up all of your emotions makes you feel even worse. It makes you feel alone. And he isn’t alone anymore.

“Thank you, Coran,” he says, and he puts his hand on Coran’s shoulder.

Coran smiles brightly, and the soppy thing has tears in his eyes. “I’m just so glad you are doing better. You are all like family to me, Shiro, and it hurts to see you suffering. But… you aren’t suffering so much anymore. And that’s because of your relationship with Slav.”

Shiro feels tears stinging his eyes, but he doesn’t bother to hide them – there is nothing wrong with crying.

“Thank you,” he says again, and his voice cracks. “Thank you so much.”

Tears spill down Coran’s face. “You’re welcome.”


End file.
